Pain of Regret

“Pain of Regret”
I don’t know why I have been so focused on regrets lately. I’ve just been wishing I had done things different, wishing I started sooner, wishing I knew then what I know now. 
🤦🏽‍♀️ But there is no use in wishing away regrets. It only holds you to the past instead of focusing on a brighter future. I know this but feel trapped in these regrets. Does anybody else feel me?
Either way I can at least learn the lesson to experience the pain of discipline now, stop the procrastination so I don’t have to repeat this pain cycle again later down the road.

So Much More

So much more

Sorry

Sorry.

Sorry if I don’t like your video
on the celebrity that spoke out
against injustices around the world
see last time I did, I got told off
because the comments they made the next day
supported the oppression of women in relationships
so I don’t know if I can support them

Sorry if I don’t sign the petition you posted
see I was going to
then someone posted an argument against it
showing how the petition was corrupt
and I didn’t know who to believe

Sorry I didn’t repost your video
about the amazing people
on the other side of the world
who go around saving the innocent
in war zones
See I was going to
but then someone posted another video
a documentary
about how those people were fakes
& posed those rescues for publicity
and I didn’t know which was true

Sorry I don’t like your meme
giving facts & figures
about how wrong someone else is
see I had seen an article yesterday
giving opposing facts & figures
showing how wrong you are
and I was just confused

Sorry I don’t watch you media
your over hyped, loosely factual news stories
they overwhelm me
see, last time I believed you,
2 weeks later
you gave “updated” information
and never retracted the original misleading information
So I can’t believe you

With so much information readily available
why is it so hard
to find the truth?

I’d Rather Be Writing

I drudge through the monotony of each day which was the same as the one before and the one before that. I sit awkwardly in an unstable, uncomfortable ripping at the seams swivel chair and stare blankly at the blinking screen in front of me. As if reciting a monologue I answer the same repetitive questions and complete the same repetitive reports. I think to myself…

I’d rather be writing.

With five different excel spreadsheets open I review the ten orders that needed to be fulfilled yesterday. As if on queue I am handed fifteen invoices that need to be approved by the end of the day. I hear mocking with each scratch of my pen as I scribble out the twenty items on my “to do” list that need to be accomplished sometime this week. And I think to myself…

I’d rather be writing.

Why don’t these numbers match? Is this quote still good? This order hasn’t arrived. Why is my coffee cold? Wait we’re out of coffee and I need to order more?

I’d rather be writing.

Churning through ideas I can’t write down. Thinking of revisions I can’t touch. Plotting the next chapter I can’t research. Oh to even stare blankly at a page with writer’s block, words dancing at the edge of my mind waiting to be written.

I’d rather be writing.

I fight traffic to walk into a home filled with sweet faces I can’t say no to. I spring into action and begin googling the answers to questions on how to re do homework I used to do in middle school. The inquisitive beautiful face that looks like mine and speaks like me; she needs me to remember. After shoveling down a dinner that I won’t remember I am pulled to start dancing the hot dog dance with a curly haired bright eyed adorably demanding little boy. To end the night I kiss each innocent face as lullabies are sung and sweet eyes close. Sighing, I cuddle with the one whose strong roaming hands and warm lips I have missed all day. Although I adore each moment with them all; that nagging thought persists as I lay my head on my soft pillow; beat down and exhausted after a long day…

I wish I had written.