where do i fit in?

sometimes i feel this is just a black and white world. freedom for the blacks, breakthrough for the blacks with the whites stepping aside trying to be as open and accepting as they know how. thing is, there is grey in between, maybe brown, the mix between black and white. where do i fit in? it seems a black and white world. people cry of breakthrough but i still don’t see it for me. my people don’t get the same opportunities, not treated the same. i am too light to be black and i’m too dark to be white, to the other browns i’m not brown enough, my spanish isn’t as good. i’m considered lazy though i work hard, i’m considered obnoxious, loud and ghetto though i’m passionate, vibrant and down to earth. no one sees that i am kind, unselfish, giving and loving. i do not fit into any group,¬†WE do not fit into any group. so we make our own group. try to rise above, try to make our mark in this world, try to create our own breakthroughs. but now we’re too proud, too segregated, we are told we are acting too good for everyone else. suddenly we are unaccepting of everyone else, we are stuck up and that is not allowed. can’t i be proud of me? can’t we be proud of us? i don’t fit into your group let me make my own. so if you don’t want me in your group and you don’t want me making my own group, where do I fit in? i’m not black, i’m not white, i’m not brown i am ME, where do i fit in?

singledom

i have entered the world of singledom (well i’ve been in it for about 3 years now) but friday is when it really hit me. while looking for a date to a christmas party since my date, backup date and back up back up date all had to work, a famous quote was made that day. “being single just ain’t in anymore”. ok when did THIS happen? when was it in and when did it go out? who decided it went out? did i miss something on my quest to get married? and more importantly why was i trying to get married in the first place? cuz of the pressures of a culture that feels somethings wrong if your not married by 24, or the well wishing friends who try to push u to ask out so and so or hook u up with so and so go online dating. it’s ridiculous. i get pushed every which way and as i finally look around and realize, a lot of my friends are married or in a serious relationships. at my work me and another guy are the only single people there and he is an intern still going through college. i feel like something’s wrong with me. i feel like i’m an outsider. why is being single such a stigmatism on a woman? what’s wrong with being single? if i wasn’t single i couldn’t come and go as i please. i would have to schedule my holiday time between his family and mine. i would have to schedule my leisure time between his. coupledom has its good times has its moments but why does it seem to far outweight singledom? is singledom that bad? it’s not that i’m sick of being single, it’s that i’m sick of FEELING sick of being single. i don’t want to feel like this way anymore, i want to enjoy singledom as this may be my last chance to. i can be selfish and just worry about me, just enjoy me, just do ME and no one else. so as in the words of beyonce “to all my single ladies” where u at? let’s stop feeling mopey, put down those oreos and haggen daaz ice cream and let’s enjoy life, LIVE LIFE, party and enjoy SINGLEDOM!!!